Twelve Step Program

Do you ever wonder if you are capable of great things? Have you ever wanted those around you to stop and take notice of your extraordinary abilities? What if I told you that I hold the secret to single-handedly evacuating your entire apartment building? What? You say that's impossible? That it can't be done? That no one can accomplish such a tremendous feat? Well, I'm here to tell you that it CAN be done. Here are twelve easy steps to achieving your maximum potential of greatness and getting the whole world (or at least your entire apartment building) to recognize how unbelievably capable you are:

1) Saute some veggies in a frying pan. When sauteed to your liking, dump veggies onto a plate.

2) Leave the frying pan on the back burner with the spatula still in it.

3) Decide that you MUST have some potstickers to eat with your veggies

4) Place a pot of water on front burner to boil the frozen potstickers

5) Quickly choose a burner and turn it on high (it will help the water boil faster, right?)

6) Get distracted: check your email, change a diaper (diaper must be wet and or/dirty enough to involve complete disrobing of the child) while you wait for the water to boil.

7) Notice a strange smell and quickly dismiss it (it's probably just something that is on the burner from the last time you boiled something over...right?)

8) Hear a strange noise and dismiss it (water sure makes funny noises when it boils sometimes....)

9) Notice that the smell has gotten more potent. Also, the air inside the apartment has gotten hazy.

10) Run to the oven and discover a plastic spatula sizzling in the frying pan on the back burner (you know, the burner that you turned on HIGH)

11) Run to open the patio door and the front door that leads to the outside hallway

12) Realize there is a smoke detector in the hallway and scramble to shut the door...three seconds before all the alarms in the building go off.

13)* Watch your neighbors stream out of the building and look inside your apartment (the patio door is open, remember?) as you are trying to dress your son who still is not wearing any clothes.

*bonus step

Boys and girls - it is just that easy!

On a slightly more serious note...my neighbors were pretty cool about the whole incident. They laughed and assured me that it was "So nice to have an excuse to be out in the sunshine!" (um...it was like 40 degrees outside and WINDY). The fire department had to come, even though I called the apartment office and explained what happened. They showed up with three trucks, and a troop of firefighters in full fire-fighting gear. Most of them paraded into our apartment, while one stayed behind to interview me. When asked if anyone was hurt in the incident, I responded, "No one was hurt - just my pride, that's all". After inspecting the damage (the frying pan and spatula), they declared the building to be "safe" and we were allowed to go back inside. Thomas and I waited outside the door while the firefighters finished airing out our apartment with their awesome fire-fighter grade fan. I thanked them profusely and apologized over and over again for causing such a scene. They assured me that it was "fine" and they were "just doing their job". I still felt so foolish.

On one hand, I feel like a complete idiot for disrupting a lot of people's lives this afternoon. On the other hand, it's good to know that I can count on our local fire department for a timely response in case there really IS a problem some day.

Oh. You want to see the damage, don't you? I thought you would never ask.

RIP Favorite Frying Pan. On a happier note, I finally have an excuse to replace that spatula....

Bottom's Up!

Good news, everybody! Baby's head has found its way into my pelvis. We are so delighted that this little one was comfortable with the idea hanging out upside down for the final weeks of gestation. You might recall the drama I went through trying to get Thomas to turn. I really could have spared myself a lot of emotional turmoil if I had just been able to see what life would be like a few years down the road. Now that I've had 20+ months getting to know Thomas, I can say with certainty that there was no amount of bargaining, pleading, reasoning, or coaxing that would get him to change his mind. It didn't work in utero and it still doesn't work today. Thomas does things on his OWN terms (even if my way is easier and better). What can I say? I'm happy to have a kid with conviction. I won't have to worry about him following the crowd or getting pushed around.

Anyway, after THAT emotional roller coaster, it feels good to be (almost) completely sure that this little kid is a little more cooperative than Big Brother and will probably stay head down until the end. And the best part about all of this good news? We got to see the baby again.

Oh, hi. What's up, everybody? Just chillin' in here where it's warm and cozy. I'll come out and party with you guys really soon. Oh, and hey - can you feed my mom lots of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Yeah. I really like that stuff. Okay, thanks. Bye.

We're really excited about meeting our new little friend. Especially Thomas:

So, Halloween happened like two weeks ago...

....and I'm finally getting around to blogging about it.

I think I exhausted all my energies and creativity into making costumes, so it took me a few weeks to recover enough to document their epicness. But first things first:

PUMPKIN PATCH!!

You may recall last year's trip to the pumpkin patch. I decided to be a better mom this year and take my kid before only reject pumpkins were left. I had visions of cute pictures of Thomas and pumpkins dancing in my head. This is what I got instead:



Okay, okay. He didn't hate every minute of it. There were moments of happiness. Like when he cradled a gourd:


and threw the little pumpkins behind the big pumpkins:


And sat in the wagon, watching the tractor roll by:


And after all that, we didn't buy a single pumpkin. Apartment dwelling has left me less-than-inspired to decorate for holidays. Or decorate for anything, for that matter. Sad day. Luckily Thomas did not care.

Lest you think I am the Grinch that stole Halloween, I will show you just how much I put into Halloween costume preparations this year.

Remember how I live in an apartment? And I have no place to store extra things? Or space to decorate? HA! That didn't stop me from concocting the most AWESOME HALLOWEEN COSTUMES EVAH!! It took weeks of planning and a week of spray painting on my porch (by the cover of darkness, so my neighbors wouldn't report me), but I was able to transform Kenta and I into:


Mother Hood Barbie and her KENta doll. We won second place in the costume contest at the most legit Halloween party I have ever attended. Our prizes: dinner for two at Chili's and tickets to a movie of our choice. It was worth every penny I spent on that blonde wig (that will probably never be worn again), every minute of sleep I forfeited sewing my shirt and apron, and every brain cell I lost from inhaling hot pink spray paint fumes.

I had no energy left to even think about making a costume for Thomas. Lucky for me, he inherited a costume from cousin Abe, which was worn at the trunk or treat the following week:



I take absolutely no credit for the creation of the monkey costume. Props to my sister, Stephanie, and her mad sewing skillz.

I abandoned the Barbie box most of the night. Abandoned cardboard boxes are kid magnets. Every kid wanted a turn in the box. Thomas was no exception:


(he's peeking out of the armhole)

Kenta took Thomas out beg....uh, "trunk-or treating" for candy while I manned our candy station. He felt really guilty about making the rounds with Thomas, knowing full well where most of that candy would end up (our bellies). So after a few stops, he called it quits and came back to hang out with me.

Kenta basically foiled my Halloween plans with his honesty, but I did manage to ration our candies well enough while handing them out to have a stash of Skittles afterwards. (totally kidding - I over bought and ended up with an entire unopened bag of Skittles). Mmmmm...Skittles...

Hope your Halloween was as fun as ours!