Of mullets and men

Warning: this post is not for the faint of heart. As a general rule, the fad that I will be discussing is by and large accepted as one of the most vomit-inducing hairstyles to have ever graced the heads of humankind.

Though they are disgusting beyond anything you will ever behold, it is worth noting that the mullet holds an important place in the evolution of male (and female - let's not forget the "femullet") hair styling. I mean, seriously, think of the most popular celebrities from the 80s/early 90s - there are a plethora of mulleted celebs in this era. Having some trouble remembering? Let me help you jog your memory a bit:

Billy Ray, sporting the "Kentucky Waterfall"

Uncle Jesse. I might have had a crush on him, despite that unsightly growth on the top of his head

Don't hassle the Hoff

Mrs. Brady - the token "femullet"

I have nothing to say about this one. Just enjoy it in all of its long, flowing, receding hairlinededness glory (totally made that word up)

Definitely had a crush on him. MacGyver totally rocked that mullet.

I have been perusing the internets in search of the most horrid celebrity mullet I could find and - congratulations! - Bono won. I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It was a little offensive to my eyes.

Okay. Have I made you sick yet? Word to the wise: never do a google image search for "mullets" - it will make you queasy. Now that I've properly established the significance of mullets in history, I think I can succinctly describe my hopes of them returning to mainstream hair fashion in one word:

NEVERMORE

With that said, imagine my horror when I gazed upon my darling son and discovered that, yes indeed, he was sporting the classic beginnings of "business in front":


"party in the back":


The horror! The shame! I had to do something about it. We whipped the scissors out and nipped that sprouting mullet in the bud.

Cutting a squirmy baby's hair was harder than I thought. We gave him his toothbrush to keep him occupied:



That worked for about thirty seconds. So we strapped him into his high chair:


which was good for an additional thirty seconds. After a little brainstorming, we came up with the winning combination:


Thomas, in the highchair, with the toothbrush, watching Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody. I began to de-mulletize the boy, while Kenta snapped some shots:


mullet remains:

At this point, I realized that I was replacing the mullet with some kind of uneven, terraced landscaped kind of hairdo. I gladly let Kenta take over and finish the job.

After watching Muppet Bohemian Rhapsody five or six times, we were finally done. And Thomas was pretty much done at that point, too. We did manage to snap one semi-decent shot of his new 'do:

After that, he pretty much refused to comply with our efforts to produce a satisfactory shot of the entire finished product.

Any guesses as to where Thomas went to celebrate his new haircut? Yeah, this little boy went straight to bed.

So, there you have it. I fought the urge of many a mother to hold onto that last scraggily bit of baby hair. If ignored for another few weeks, we could have had a full-blown mullet on our hands. Crisis averted!!