Dazed and Confused

I think I have been sitting here for about ten minutes trying to figure out how to start this post (and that's all I could come up with?). Despite the fact that I went to bed about an hour earlier than usual, the eight hours of frequently interrupted sleep that I'm getting as a mommy is proving to be nowhere near as restful as the six hours of uninterrupted sleep that I had as a college student. Does that mean I miss my carefree, kidless college days? No way, man! Having an awesomely cute baby to take care of is way better than a never-ending stream of papers, reading assignments, rehearsals, etc. It just goes without saying that being the mother of a newborn has left me with a severe case of baby brain.

I'm not sure when I finally came to grips with the fact that my brain was no longer firing on all cylinders. Maybe it was when I was tidying up the house last week and caught myself putting the TV remote in a dresser drawer. Or maybe it was yesterday when Kenta pointed out for the fourteenth (fifteenth?) time that I forgot to lock the car door - something that I never used to do. Or maybe it was an hour ago when I forgot that I had put a tray of cookies in the oven and burnt them to an inedible crisp. I can't recall the exact moment that I came to this realization because I spend most of my waking hours wandering around in a haze.

That being said, this semi-conscious state has caused me to do some things that are uncharacteristic of me. I feel that I have been dropping the ball on a lot of things, and I'm afraid that I may have unintentionally upset and/or offended friends and family. I've compiled a list of apologies of sorts. You may be surprised (or not) to find your name on this list. I really, truly feel bad about the things I have done. So much so, that I sat awake at 3:00 a.m. today as memories of my slip-ups came flooding back to me. Again, I feel really badly about my bizarre behavior. Hopefully you understand.

I'm sorry. Soooo sorry....

To my son, Thomas: For forgetting to put the brake on the baby jogger when I was locking up the house. I didn't realize that the jogger would roll forward, off of the edge of the sidewalk and tip over. I'm glad that you are okay and that you weren't hurt (you didn't even cry!) but I was really shaken up.

To my husband, Kenta: For sneezing on you last night. I had a book in one hand and a breast pump in the other - it came so suddenly that I didn't have time to properly cover my mouth. I didn't think it would reach you anyway - you were sitting halfway across the living room. That was really gross. I'm glad you still love me.

To my sister, Maren: For not noticing that Calvin broke your flower pot. I thought that lining up the flower pots would make a nice barracade so the kids wouldn't climb the stairs outside and get hurt. I didn't think he would knock it over and break it while I was busy with Thomas.

To my sister, Stephanie: For calling you and asking you the same question almost every day. I really do pay attention to what you tell me. I just really admire your mothering skills and trust your insight and opinion - though you must find it tiring to answer the same questions a zillion times.

To my friend, Jamie: For remembering, then forgetting, then remembering again that your birthday was on Monday. I hope you had a great day with your husband and sweet baby girl.

To my friend, Mindy Jo: For showing up SUPER late to your good-bye party and then hardly talking to you at all once we got there. I'm going to miss you a lot! Thank you for the sweet note and notebook. I love it!

To Thomas: For putting off starting dinner until 4:30 - approximately 30 seconds before you had a MAJOR meltdown, but I had to leave you screaming in your bouncy chair because my fingers were covered in raw chicken and I had to get dinner done in time for mutual. I now proclaim Wednesday nights to be Leftover Night from here on out.

To Thomas's physical therapist: for skipping out on therapy next week. I should have known better than to schedule therapy on the SAME DAY he's getting his 2 month vaccinations.

To my Mia Maid, Lainey: For not calling you about the mutual activity this week. Wednesday afternoon was really hectic and by the time I remembered to call you, it was well after 6:00 p.m. I couldn't pick you up without being super-late to mutual, so I just didn't call. I'm really sorry about that. It was a fun activity and I'm sure I will be held accountable for you missing it.

To my friend, Amie: For disappearing at the end of mutual when everyone was just hanging around socializing. I was so nervous about getting Thomas home and into bed before he got too tired that I totally forgot to say good-bye. And I'm sorry that I couldn't help with your move this week.

To my father-in-law: For skipping out on lunch this week with everyone at Pepe's. I know you probably wanted to see Thomas, but I'm pretty much a slave to his sleep schedule, so I let the sleeping baby lie...maybe next week?

To Kenta: For the house always smelling like burnt food. I know, I know - I always burned food before we had a baby...it's just gotten a lot worse.

To the dude that works at Target: For not realizing that you were asking me if I needed help finding something until I was ten yards past you. I'm sure my "huh? uh..heh..thanks" reply was very convincing as I continued to walk past you and aimlessly meander through the store. I probably could have used your help.

To the lady in the minivan on 12th, just south of Alameda at around 7:30 p.m. last night: For cutting you off. I really know that that lane ends and I usually move over before I even get to the intersection. My son was screaming and it totally distracted me. Sorry about that. Thanks for honking at me - I'm glad I didn't hit you.

To my friend, Rachel: For still not having sent a thank you note for your baby gift to Thomas and for still not having sent a gift for little baby Stockton. That's on my list of "Things That I MUST do This Weekend".

To our new neighbors down the street: For still not having delivered the plate of cookies. I meant to do that last week, and never could. I decided today would be the day....and I burnt all the cookies. I will make it to your house, eventually, cookies or not, and will introduce myself and welcome you to the neighborhood.

To Andrea and Merrilee: For having to listen to my awful voice. I am not a singer by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not sure what this has to do with baby brain....maybe I was just so euphoric after Thomas's blessing that when Shawna asked me if I would sing a duet I said "Yes!! Sure!!" when I probably should have offered to play the piano and let someone else with a nicer voice sing.

To my friend, Mallory: For never responding to your Facebook message (which I fully intended to answer within a reasonable amount of time). You asked me like a month ago how to embed a youtube video in a blog post. If you still need to know how, let me know :)

To my body: For not getting enough sleep or exercise. I really try and drag myself out of bed and get moving in the morning, but when the prospects of getting a good nap in later are looking pretty slim, it's hard to go out for that morning jog. I hope you understand.

To all of you, my loyal blog readers: For thinking it was a good idea to write a ridiculously long list of elaborate apologies - if you are still reading this, I will reward you with a picture of the aforementioned "awesomely cute" baby:

This is Thomas having a conversation with his sock monkey (thanks, Aunt Mika!)

So....there's my list. If you didn't make the list - congratulations! It probably just means that you live too far away for me to have done anything horrible to you. Now that I've finally finished this post, I need to.....do....something important....what was it?.....um....I can't remember......:)