At Kenta's request, I am publishing an assignment that I wrote for my Institute class. We were asked to write a modern-day parable. Due to recent controversy in the world of college football, combined with about 10 hours in the car last week listening to the Sports Animal, and a mild case of pregnancy -induced insomnia, I came up with this little gem. If you don't know much about/don't care about college football, you probably don't even want to read this because it will not make much sense to you. Sorry.
However, if you are obsessed with it (like me) and lately have felt the urge to scream any time an ESPN analyst opens their mouth, this is right up your alley. On a personal note: any time I get a chance to slam Brent Musburger, I do so. If you do not know who he is, consider yourself lucky. For those of you who have endured his biased color commentary for who-knows-how-many seasons of OU football - bless you. The only thing that keeps me from muting the TV during an OU football game and listening to Bob Barry on the radio while I watch (thanks for the idea, Steph) is Brent's trusty sidekick Kirk Herbstreit, who I happen to have an innocent celebrity crush on (it's okay - Kenta knows). But even Herbie has been bothering me a bit lately. Anyway - without further ado, I bring you:
The Parable of the BCS
Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto the BCS, when one lord of the BCS seeking an heir to his kingdom gathered together his people and spake unto them saying:
Behold my time has come and an heir to my kingdom do I seek. I shall send thee forth for a little season to battle one with another that ye may prove me herewith which of ye shall be deserving of inheriting mine kingdom. This is not all, yea, judges[1] will I appoint and technologies[2] will I use that thereby they may assist me. Yea, it is expedient unto thee that thou shalt emerge victorious in battle in a manner most comely[3], that thereby ye may inherit the kingdom.
The multitude, finding the words of the lord agreeable, went forth battling one with another in green pastures for a little season.
There arose among them one mighty people, the Soonerites, who being the rightful heir to the kingdom, but nevertheless having to prove themselves worthy, went forth in the same manner to battle.
But upon journeying southward toward the river Red to battle, they found themselves in precarious circumstances and fell among the people of the Longhorns, beaten and defeated.
Upon receiving this great loss, they remembered the words of the lord that whosoever shall emerge victorious in a manner most comely, unto them shall be given the kingdom. Therefore, they repented and again went forth to battle, with strength and comeliness that had never before been seen among the people.
Whilst the Longhorns, upon traveling north and west to the land of Lubbock, squandered their inheritance falling among the people of the Red Raiders.
They reasoned within themselves saying, yea the Soonerites have we beaten, surely this victory shall be enough.
After a little season, the lord called upon his judges and technologies, and unto the Soonerites was given the kingdom.
And Mack Brown and Brent Musburger murmured within themselves saying, how can this be seeing that the Soonerites gained only onescore and fifteen to our twoscore and five?
The lord of the BCS spake unto them saying: my sons, do ye not remember what I spake unto thee concerning the manner in which ye were to battle? My people, the Sooners, have repented of the evil they hath done with thee whilst thou has squandered thine inheritance, believing all the while that what thou hast done previously was sufficient. Thou knewest the words which I spake unto thee before thou wentest forth unto battle Behold my judges and technologies find fault with thee, therefore unto the Sooners will I commend my kingdom.
And Mack and Brent went their way sorrowful for they remembered the words which the Lord had spoken.
4 comments:
Thus saith the Lord....let their be football, and there was football. He looked upon it and he said, it was good.
Excellent writing, I would give you an A. (If their were A's in Institute!)
Now behold, in the beginning of the new year of the reign of the judges and technologies, came the Floridaites to do battle with the Soonerites.
And seeing that they were weakened by injury and doubt, the Floriaites fought, but were left unto their own strength.
But unto the Soonerites was given much strength, insomuch that they did remain on the offensive, to the great dismay and fear of all the people of the land, but more so to the Texasites, for they did strike fear in their hearts, that they did myrmur, saying,
Behold, how should we face the Soonerites now? For we fear lest they should fall upon us and beat us with their offensive attacks. And there was much howling and mourning amongst the Floridaites and Texasites, whilst the Soonerites went their way rejoicing.
love it Kendall! You nust need to add Mark May to your list of people to slam!
Amen! I would hate watching/listening to good ol' Brent, but I'm usually with my Dad while it's happening and HIS comments to the TV screen are so hilarious that it is absolutely worth it. Oh, and now you know I have a blog.
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