Kenta and I had plans to meet his dad and sister for lunch on Friday. It was freshman move-in day, so traffic was bumper to bumper from the Lindsey St. exit to campus (about three or four miles). I was crawling East on Lindsey when traffic eventually came to a complete stop near an intersection with a small side street. I had the option of continuing to move forward and block the intersection or stay where I was and leave the intersection open in case someone in oncoming traffic wanted to make a left turn.
Being the courteous driver that I am, I decided to stay where I was and leave the intersection open - after all, traffic wasn't going to be moving for awhile, so why block the intersection for a long period of time? At about the same time I decided to stay put, I noticed that Kenta had pulled up to the stop sign of the intersection that I had left open (he was coming from work). Being the courteous driver that I am, I motioned to him that he could turn on to Lindsey St. in front of me when traffic finally got moving again.
As we were sitting there waiting for traffic to move, I saw a girl out of the corner of my eye pull up beside me, and then proceed to move directly in front of me - right into the space that I had intentionally left open so that the intersection would not be blocked! I was livid. I am not big on horn usage, but I was so mad I honked at that girl long and loud. As we sat there at a standstill, my anger intensified. How dare she! Who does she think she is? She can't push ME around just because I drive a minivan!
So I let her have it.
I honked again. And again. And one more time for good measure - just in case she hadn't heard me the first sixteen times. This girl was, after all, a complete imbecile, as evidenced by her absolute ignorance of common driving courtesy (I was the courteous driver, remember?). We continued to sit and sit and sit. I started to notice things about The Offender: BMW. Texas plates. Backseat filled to the brim with clothing and other college essentials - no doubt, she was an incoming freshman. My blood began to boil. I began to curse (in every PG-13 curse word I could think of) this girl in front of me, who I had deduced was a spoiled (BMW) brat (freshman) who knew absoltely nothing about driving (Texas plates). I threw my hands up - quite dramatically - in a "what-were-you-thinking - you-IDIOT?!?!?!?!" kind of way. A stream of insults flowed freely from my mouth.
I continued to PG-13 swear at her and wave my arms like a fool until I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. When I finally met up with Kenta, I was still fuming. I proceeded to vent to him, my father-in-law, my sister-in-law, all my friends and family on Facebook, and anyone else who would listen, for the rest of the day. When Kenta came home that night, I brought up the subject once again. I was certain that he would be proud of me for being assertive and not letting some little punk college girl push me around. Boy, was I wrong. His reaction:
"Uh...Kendall..um, I was actually a little embarassed".
What?!? Kenta? My husband that loves swift justice for all traffic offenders? The man that squeals with delight every time he sees a highway patrolman pull someone over? The man that I once scolded for using his horn too much? Was I hearing this right?
"I thought it was a little overboard, with you waving your arms and stuff. It was okay to honk the first time, but you just kept doing it. Yeah....I was glad that no one knew I was your husband."
Ouch. Not really the reaction I was expecting.
I started to think about what Kenta said. Had I really been that out of line? Maybe my reaction had been a little overboard. Maybe I didn't need to honk and insult this girl as much as I had. After all, it wasn't like she had been able to hear any of the nasty remarks that I had directed towards her.
And then it hit me.
All those things I'd said had been heard by someone - just not the person for which they had been intended. While I was cursing the existence of The Offender, my sweet baby boy was in the backseat, babbling to a stuffed cow. Of course this was all lost on me in the heat of the moment, but hours later as I pondered this event, I asked myself, "What kind of example am I setting for my son?"
The following picture came to mind:
This is a picture that I used to laugh at when I was studying the topic of "Road Rage" in my driver's ed manual. I thought it was so ridiculous. Who actually looks like that when they are driving? Little did I know that ten years after I mocked this picture, I myself had become the poster child for road rage. That was a humbling realization.
As I began to think further about the example that I am setting for Thomas, I knew that road rage was only one of many areas in which I could improve. Kenta and I have discussed at length how we can be better examples for him as he grows and begins to pick up our habits - both good and bad. We took the plunge and completely got rid of our TV. We are sifting through our itunes and have had to confiscate about 87% of our Green Day collection. I'm shopping for a replacement for my favorite four-letter word (it starts with "c" and ends with "rap"). It's my all-purpose exclamation (expletive?) of choice - I say it when I drop something, forget something, stub my toe, etc. I need a better word to replace it with. Kenta seems to think that it's possible to stub my toe and not say ANYTHING, but I disagree. If you've got a good word, I'd welcome any suggestions. I just decided that I don't want that coming out of Thomas's mouth, so it can't be coming out of mine anymore.
Going TV-free isn't as bad as I thought it would be - which is surprising, given that I spent the entirety of last summer sick and pregnant watching so many episodes of Law & Order that I actually saw repeats of the reruns. I've heard that a new season of Project Runway (an old favorite of mine) is underway, but that's a thing of the past for me now, too. I decided that the not-so carefully-bleeped-out cuss words might as well have not even been bleeped out in the first place - and is that anything that I should be listening to or watching?
Please understand that I do not think less of anyone for viewing certain shows or listening to certain music or saying certain things. I'm not perfect and never will claim to be. I've just decided that Thomas is going to be bombarded with so much filth and garbage in his life (have you been to a high school lately?) when he gets older, that I want him to have a place where he can get away from all of it. I want our home to be a safe haven for him.
Maybe I'll be accused some day of having kids that "live in a bubble" and are "too sheltered". So what? I can say from personal experience that it is possible to live a "G-rated" life and still function in society. I did it as a missionary for eighteen months. We'll still have a computer with the internet - but there will be filters. I'm sure that some day we'll get another TV - but there will be rules. I just don't see a point in exposing our kids to what the world calls "entertainment".
Awwww....look at that sweet face. Who would want to corrupt such an innocent little thing like that?
So - for those of you that are around me and see me quite a bit - remember that I'm still a work in progress. I might accidentally slip and say that favorite word of mine, but I'm really trying to make an effort not to. And if you have a TV and an OU football game is on.......an invite would be welcome :)
11 comments:
I would like to suggest "drat" or "blast". I have always wanted to use those words, and it hasn't happened yet (I say "shoot" or "dangit", but of which are dangerously close to their more vulgar counterparts), but I've always thought "drat" and "blast" would be way cooler. Maybe you can make it happen.
Another option would be using the words they use for security word verification on Blogger. They always make me laugh.
I wish I could take the no TV plunge...instead, our DVR is full of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins for Beck to listen to during playtime....that's progress from the useless MTV reality shows, right? haha!
I've been thinking similar things, as of late...especially with my language and my tone and especially with the way I treat and react to other people in my home and in the outside world. Despite what you may think about not being perfect, you are a fantastic example! Not just to Thomas, but to those of us other moms who walking down the similar path. Great job!
It is amazing how you look at things differently and try even harder to be better once you are a parent.
And...don't be so hard on yourself. You are amazing.
Aww, yay, welcome to the tv-free world! It ain't so bad, but then, I only have myself to entertain and not a toddler : )
I like the word "dagnabbit." It's unmistakeably an expression of frustration, but is also just so ridiculous-sounding that no matter what's going on, I have to stop and laugh at myself for using it. Good for restoring perspective : )
I love you, Kendall! It's a good thing we don't have to be perfect, but you're way closer than many and I love you for it.
"crud" is a good substitute. I usually say something like, "Man!" It's hard to recognize and face weaknesses. Thanks for sharing your experience!! :)
I LOVE it when my very nonmember family tells me that my kids, in particular my 11 year-old, are "too sheltered." It means I'm doing my job. And if Dave would go for it, I would ditch the TV in a heartbeat. The only time I missed it on my mission is when I sprained my ankle and had to stay off of it for three days, otherwise I was surprised at how little I noticed not having one. We have the occasional OU game watch party here. I doubt we will do much until the weather cools (we have one of those outdoor inflatable screens) and baby Alexis is sleeping through the night, but if we do something-I'll let you know.
A trip to Arkansas taught me "oh sugar!" I wish I was better at substituting it consistently.
My favorites are "nuts!" and "rats!", not at all like cuss words. "Phooey!" is also a good one.
We still have only a 19 in TV w/ rabbit ears. The only shows we watch on a regular basis are the children's shows on PBS. Most everything else we watch is a movie and we have a DVD player with a language filter for the PGs (no PG-13 or Rs for us). We never invite people over for games since we have such a dinky TV, but maybe you guys wouldn't mind so much. We'd love to have you guys over sometime whether there's a game on or not, so maybe when there's one on ABC you could come for a visit and watch it with us.
I've been in essentially the same spot as you and it continues to be an issue as they get older and more aware. We had to take Grace's door of its hinges and put it in the garage recently to keep her from slamming her door when she was mad...just like me. I don't do that anymore, but I still really want to sometimes. The thing that's great about you Kendall is that you recognized the problem and did something about it. Lots of parents don't even think about that sort of thing, and lots more never do anything about it. You're great!
I had to laugh out loud at that animated driver dude...and btw, that was me you were raging at. Yeah, I was driving my new beamer to the Starbucks. Word!
No joke here: the word verification for this VERY post is "graffic" :)
Thanks for sharing your story Kendall. I am grateful when Ken gently tells me when I am out of line instead of agreeing with me. Good job on the no TV. We didn't have a TV for the first couple years of our marriage and it was actually really nice. Maybe we should try it again. :)
try "bummer" or "nuts"
i'll be missing the OU games too. that's the hardest part about not having a TV!!
let's remember that TV, movies, or internet are not inherently bad. TV may not be the issue at all, but self-discipline is. we fear having a TV because we realize we are undisciplined and at the very least, waste time, or worse yet, watch filth. so we ditch it all togther. even the leaders of the church have said that unwinding with a show or something like it now-and-again is healthy (see the latest ensign). there is some good and uplifting still in movies and TV.
once we learn to control ourselves and have moderation in all things, TV is not scary and we can have it around without fear of it's constant evil influence.
i was reminded of this myself, last night watching a movie with my wife. it taught good principles and i had these things in my mind as we prayed before bed and until i feel asleep. i'm grateful there are still things which are "of good report and praiseworthy" for us and our familes to seek after.
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